142-Fears, Funerals, And Myself...

As my phone chirped for my attention from across the room, I made my way to the small supercomputer that would’ve blown the minds of its 80’s pioneers.  Peering down at the expected caller ID feature that used to be a charged add-on, I noted it was the granny of one of my climbing club guys.  I picked it up and pushed green, “Hello, this is Matt” as has become my custom.

“Who died?!” shot through the tiny microphone and into my ear.  I couldn’t help but give a small chuckle as I explained the conversation that I had with granny’s grandson a couple days prior.  He said that he couldn’t continue in the club due to a funeral.  So, like any good parent or adult would do, I made sure to reach out to his guardian to send my condolences…

The following week at Planet Rock, the fresh, colorful, climbing holds bolted to the fifty-foot walls might as well have been poisonous frogs clinging to an ancient South American Bromeliad tree, waiting to attack their prey.  The nerves in one particular young man’s eyes read like a large print early reader book, simple and concise.  Seizing the moment to connect, Dave, one of our volunteers and friend, didn’t hesitate to share from his own fears, “Look, I’m scared too, bro.  Let’s get you tied in and we’ll see how high you can climb.”  Reluctantly, Jordan took the rope and worked at retracing that darned figure-eight knot through his harness.  I watched from a couple routes to the east (as if we were in a large enough building to merit compass directions!); I was twenty feet to his right belaying another student.  Taking a few glances to my left to relax my cranked neck from looking up and spouting some feedback to my own climber, I noted that Dave was coaching Jordan through the knot, a semi-complex knot that we wanted to become second nature.

I joined Dave in the encouragement and footwork coaching from the matted floor, watching expectantly as Jordan made it past the halfway mark, tackling his crippling fear of heights head-on.  I expelled an excited “Wooooooo!” before helping him get into a good headspace to trust Dave and the rope and be lowered back to his safe place.

“You get past your high point and I’ll climb to the top.” Dave challenged Jordan, as much as he himself was afraid of heights.  Jordan gave a confirming challenge back and the two of them, in that moment, knew that they were not alone.

I would love to tell you that our funeral-excuse-kid was Jordan, facing his fears instead of backing out completely, but he was not.  However, Jordan did miss a week, and tried to back out because who wants to face their fears?  I mean, really?  If you are terribly afraid of a poisonous tree frog, are you going to join the photography team for National Geographic to get close enough to depict the viscosity of the oil on its skin?  Heck no!  But with the right support we can do just about anything.  It’s quite common for me to lead people to the edge of a high cliff, tie them to a tree with a rope the diameter of their pinky finger, and ask them to walk off.  Project Forty is a bit crazy when you think about it in those terms… and how crazy are we when we make ourselves vulnerable to our own fears?  Vulnerable to admit that the fear even exists is scary in and of itself, but to then work through that fear in the sight of others—are we nuts, or what?  When have you made yourself vulnerable in a safe environment, with people you can trust?  Looking someone in the eye and sharing your fears, your concerns, your deepest joy, your true self?  This is where it all begins for Project Forty and for the bold and daring students who sign up with us for a climbing club.  They are ALL AMAZING in my opinion even if they only make it a few times to the gym with us.  But, time really is the test of character and there are few who press through to the end—some go to funerals, while others wish they had instead of battling their inner fear—which one are you?!

-Matt